Rape Culture: It’s Existence Isn’t Your Fault, But Choosing To Stand Up For It Is Your Fault Entirely You Asshole

[TW: rape, rape culture, victim-blaming language, discussion of partying and drinking]

Rape culture is super confusing. Like, women say it’s a thing, but as a cis white dude, I think it’s just me & my friends that are the real victims here, right?

I’m just chatting up a girl in a bar, and I ask her if she wants a drink and she says no, so I ask her again, and again, and I plead, and I beg, and I order two drinks and she says, “No means no” and walks away so I’m left getting double drunk with no one to go home with.

One of my buddies got a girl really really really drunk one night and had sex with her while she was passed out and now everyone says he raped her. What the fuck bro? He’s a really nice dude, he’d never rape anyone. He just had to get her super drunk cuz she might not have gone home with him otherwise & a bro in need of a good lay just can’t take that chance. It isn’t his fault she woke up super angry.

One time I was talking with these chicks and the one girl talked about how some dirtbag had assaulted her once. So, I’m a nice guy, I super helpfully explained to her at every point in her story how she could have cut the interaction short & ended up being safe & not getting raped.  SUPER HELPFUL, RIGHT? But both girls got really really mad at me and said the one girl wasn’t responsible for getting raped. I mean, she kinda was right though? If she’d done all the stuff I told her to do she wouldn’t have gotten raped right? Problem solved!

Ladies are always angry when I see them out walking down the street. I don’t know why. I try to tell them to smile in all kinds of creative and thoughtful ways, like, “Hey you dropped your smile” or “Smile babe!” or like by complimenting their asses and tits and stuff. Seriously. This is like, a public service or something. They should all be thanking me.

And then sometimes I’m trying to party down and the DJ plays “Blurred Lines.” Super great song. Really catchy. And it explains how women secretly want my dick even if they say they don’t. Love that song. So some chick gets all pissy and tries to get the DJ to switch to a different song. I mean what even? What a bitch, right? All I’m doing is trying to dance and she has to go have some dumb rape flashback. Leave, bitch, it’s not our job to make sure you feel safe here.

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Listen, guys, here’s the thing.  It isn’t your fault rape culture exists. You didn’t create it.  You didn’t decide we’d live in a society that devalues women, that functions as though we belong to you.  It is not your fault.

What is your fault is what you choose to do now that you live in this society.  Are you going to go with the status quo? Are you going to perpetuate spaces that make women feel unsafe? Are you going to react with hostility when a woman tells you that something you’re saying or doing is distressing or harmful? Are you going to look a woman who is telling you about her personal experiences in the eye and start quoting numbers and statistics that you think prove rape isn’t that big of a problem and she should just stop whining? Are you going to refuse to educate yourself about the structural and social oppression faced by every woman you know?

I’m sorry if you are more devoted to a particular pop song or to your own desire to get laid tonight than you are to concepts of consent and safe spaces.  You know what? Sometimes we women just want to party too, like you do.  But maybe we can’t have as much as fun as you’re having, because someone’s trying to force his attentions on us, or everyone’s dancing to a song that repeats over and over the words our rapists said to us, or our cute outfits are getting horrifyingly explicit comments from every man we pass on the street.

Maybe I’m asking too much of a college town.  But from my observances over the past year I honestly do think that a safer party scene would be more fun for everyone. Here’s a secret, dudes: if you all respected consent and stood up for women who had been through the traumatic experience that is rape, the party life of this town would be a lot more fun. Feeling safe and happy is perhaps the greatest atmosphere imaginable for getting drunk, dancing, generally having a good time. And the sex life of this town would be so much better for everyone.  A person who feels happy and safe is a person who can be really, really fun in bed.

Besides, if we fix this ourselves, people who aren’t part of our generation might stop writing annoying judgmental thinkpieces about “Millennial hook-up culture” (I didn’t even know that was a thing until the New York Times told me!)

I’m tired of these bogus arguments acting like feminism is trying to destroy your game, undermine your chances of getting laid, and kill the party. We’re not. We just want to be able to have as much fun as you’re having, without hurting anyone in the process.

 

 

[disclaimer: the opening portion of this post was not a direct quote from anyone, rather, it is a satire of how certain people frame particular events. Most of the scenarios are things which have happened to me or my friends.]

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