It Shouldn’t Have To Be A Secret: an anonymous contribution

As part of an initiative for bisexual and pansexual visibility and solidarity, I asked for people to send me their stories. This story was submitted anonymously.

My story

I’m going to write this anonymously because I have not come out- nor do I see myself doing so with my family the way they are right now- however, the people who matter- know. That means you. That also means my husband.

I guess the long and short of my story is this: I don’t fit into a category. I’m not straight but I’m not ‘one way’ either. I’ve come to understand I’m probably bisexual but I happen to have a soul mate who is male- hence making our relationship heterosexual. If I fell in love with another girl and made a life with her, I would not be viewed as such- but…. Seeing as the love of my life is a man that makes it easy to hide.

I’ve always been attracted to both genders- always knew of sexuality and what it meant. Always thought I would grow up and marry a prince, and be his princess. But as I grew older, it wasn’t so clear. While I had many close friends of both genders, I found myself attracted to people of both genders. As I’m writing this, I’m getting a lump in my throat because I have kept this secret for 24 years. It shouldn’t have had to be a secret.

I write to tell others they’re not alone. No matter how old you are, no matter how you were raised.

Sometimes you’re just born not fitting into a type or category and it’s hard to admit that because it makes people generally uncomfortable. I mean- if you don’t know ‘what’ you are- how are others to interpret that? Confusion? Lack of faith (if you’re of a fundamentalist background like me) – or worse- spiritual warfare, Satan trying to ‘win you over’ by putting ‘unholy’ feelings deep within your soul.

I’m still discovering who I am. Spiritually, mentally, emotional and even sexually. It shouldn’t have taken me a quarter of a century to do so, but there it is. Thanks for letting me write a little something on this topic 🙂 It means a lot that I can share this with others who may be feeling the same way.

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